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Casual conversation among North Americans can sometimes be confusing. For example, "How are you?" does not necessarily mean the person wants to know exactly how you are feeling. Rather the person may simply be saying an informal greeting. In response, you may simply smile, nod, and say, "Fine, thank you. How are you?" Phrases said when departing can be equally confusing. For instance, "See you later," "Drop by sometime," or "Let's get together sometime" are often meant as a friendly goodbye rather than an actual invitation. When in doubt, do not be too shy to clarify whether it is an invitation or not. |
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Some cultures tend to have a much closer conversational distance than does the U.S. culture. As a result, an international person may literally back a North American across the room, each just unconsciously trying to maintain a comfortable distance. These subtle but important means of nonverbal communication can lead to the stereotype of particular foreign nationalities as forward and abrasive and North Americans as cold and distant. So too, the opposite may be perceived by students from a culture having a greater conversational distance than that of North Americans. Just as with conversational distance, "personal space" may differ across cultures. When North Americans are not acquainted with each other or where they are in public settings, they tend to stand or sit apart. For example, in an elevator, North Americans will keep their distance unless crowding forces them together. The same is true in a bus where people sit one per seat until additional passengers force them to double up. In both of these examples, North Americans "hold themselves in," having been taught from early childhood to avoid bodily contact with strangers. |
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In the U.S., friendships may seem to develop more quickly and seem more informal than in many other cultures. International students are sometimes struck by how warm and friendly people seem from the very start. Soon they observe that while many Americans seem warm at a first meeting, they may later seem remote. "Superficial" is the word sometimes used by international visitors to describe U.S. Americans' relationships. It often appears to some international students that U.S. students are too busy to take the time to get to know other people well. Upon closer examination, visitors may notice that North Americans tend to be very private, keeping their personal thoughts and feelings to themselves. One explanation for this behavior may be that Americans have been taught to idealize independence and avoid becoming too dependent on other people or allowing others to become dependent on them. |
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At UNW, relationships between male and female students are so complex that they are difficult to describe in a few paragraphs. Nonetheless, a few general comments might help since international students sometimes find that U.S. and UNW dating customs differ from the ones they are accustomed to. In the U.S., dating or romantic relationships are common. A romantic interest be expressed by “asking someone out” by inviting them to coffee, dinner, or an event (either a man or a woman may do the asking). At UNW, much of the social life centers around campus life and events. Students study and eat meals together, go to special lectures, movies, or attend sporting events together, and non-romantic friendships between men and women are also acceptable. Since few students have much money, many go "Dutch treat" on dates (the costs are divided equally). Casual dating is also common, with two individuals going out on a few dates without pressure of pursuing any further romantic relationship. Dating at the university tends to be more serious than in the overall U.S. culture, since students at a Christian school are often looking for like-minded marriage partners. If you are unsure of someone’s intentions, do not hesitate to ask the person, or to seek advice from a friend or advisor familiar with U.S. culture. Northwestern students who are not married are expected to abstain from sexual relations; however, students will find that this is generally not the expectation in much of U.S. culture. Do not feel pressured to do anything you are not comfortable with. If anyone does make you uncomfortable in their interaction with you, explain this to them as they may not be aware that their behavior is inappropriate in your eyes. If they continue to pursue you or behave in a way that makes you uncomfortable after you have spoken to them, do not hesitate to contact a faculty or staff member or another student for assistance. |
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First names are more readily used in the United States than in other countries. It is all right to use the first name of someone of approximately your same age and status or someone younger. It is appropriate to inquire if the person prefers to be called by his or her first name if you are unsure. A woman or man older than you, including a professor or administrator, is often addressed as Dr., Ms., Miss, Mrs., or Mr. until the individual requests that you use his or her first name or until you get to know the individual better. Men and women will be confused if you use Dr., Ms., Miss, Mrs., or Mr. with a first name, as is the custom in some countries. Ordinarily Ms., Miss, Mrs., or Mr. are used only with the family name, such as “Mrs. Jones.” Some U.S. women prefer the address “Ms.” (pronounced Miz). Ms. is used for both single and married women and replaces Miss and Mrs. Ms. is also an acceptable form of address if you do not know if a woman is single or married. |
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Most Americans have a very strict understanding of time, generally making punctuality a very important quality in American culture. This will apply to your relationships and your classes in the U.S. Americans tend to view punctuality as a sign that you value other people and their time. If you make plans to meet with a friend at a certain time, you may find that they will be upset or offended if you do not show up exactly on time. Likewise, your professors will expect to you arrive at class at or before the scheduled time and may even penalize you for repeated late attendance. Professors will also expect assignments to be submitted by the exact time they are due; an assignment that is submitted even an hour late may be graded down or rejected entirely. |
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Invitations are usually informal and most often verbal or textual, but specify time and place. For example: "Will you come over Tuesday evening at 8:00?" If you say "yes", it is important that you keep the appointment and arrive on time. A casual verbal invitation such as "come and see me sometime" or "drop in" is usually given with the understanding that you will call and make more specific plans before coming over. If you receive a written invitation that says "RSVP," you should respond by letter/e-mail or phone, telling your host whether or not you plan to attend. |
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In informal settings, men usually shake hands at the time of their first meeting. Men and women also often shake hands. Women do not always shake hands with each other, except in formal or business situations. Hugging is also another common form of greeting between people who are already friends. Though this form of greeting is more common between women, it is also acceptable for any gender mixing to hug. Kissing is generally not an acceptable form of greeting. |
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People originally from the U.S. tend to be curious people. They will ask a lot of questions. Some of their questions may appear too personal, ridiculous, uninformed, and elementary, but try to be patient in answering them. You may be the first foreign national of a particular country who they have met, and they will probably have very little understanding of life in your culture. Most people are sincerely interested in learning more about you and your culture and, in return, will welcome any questions you might ask them about the U.S. |
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University of Northwestern – St. Paul and Northwestern Media employees and students have a right to an employment and academic environment that is free of racial, cultural, and sexual harassment. Northwestern recognizes racial, cultural and sexual harassment as inconsistent with biblical teaching and illegal under state and federal law. The Student Development Office distributes copies of UNW policies concerning these harassments each year to all students. Policies related to harassment are also found on the ROCK. |